"25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are parts of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."
Good Morning Beloved,
Welcome to worship this Lord's Day!
We're so glad you're here.
There seems to be a grand illusion in our culture, for those people who are single, which is that
somewhere there’s this perfect person hanging around out there and you just
have to find that person. Nothing could be further from the truth. All
you really want is a godly partner, all you want is somebody who loves
the Lord Jesus Christ, and I’ll give you a little bit of a warning: you
can find your ideal mate; you can find the one that looks, speaks,
acts and behaves the way you think the perfect - the perfect spouse or
prospective spouse should look, speak, act and behave.
The point is they may look like you would want them to look, and they may be
interested in the things you would want them to be interested in. They
may have a wonderful sense of humor, and be intellectually stimulating,
and all sorts of things. And you can marry that person, and
that person may feel the same way about you, but let me tell this, if you don’t walk in
the Spirit, sooner or later, that marriage is going incur massive problems.
However, when you find someone who loves Christ, and has a heart to serve the Lord, and
walk in the Holy Spirit, and if you’re in that same path, and that
person is in that same path, you will grow into the kind of union that
will fill your life with complete joy and blessing.
Let us bow our heads in prayer.
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for this great Word, the foundational truths. Lord, I pray for the men who are with us, asking for Your grace, Your wisdom and strength. Touch their hearts, that they would receive Your message for them today. That they would love and respect their wives as You have called husbands to do.
Father, if any of those men are in sin, we pray that You would burden their hearts, convict them of their errors and restore them. Lord, we know there are many broken relationships and marriages, even among Your people, who are living as the world lives. Draw them close, guide their hearts and minds to be the husbands and fathers to their families they ought to be.
And we pray the men and women, who have been dealing with a less than perfect relationships, that You might bring forgiveness and restoration into those homes. That those families would get back to what You designed them to be.
And for those who are single, hopelessly waiting, we pray that You would restore the broken places in them and lead them to find the one You have destined them for.
May it all glorify You, for Christ's sake
In His precious name we ask and pray
Amen
Today's Message: Better Together
One of the greatest tragedies in the Christian home today is when the
husband fails to demonstrate selfless love toward his wife. The failure
often stems from a basic lack of trust, fear or ignorance to exercise
faith in the Word of God. And failing to exercise faith in the Word of
God robs many a marriage of the joy God intended. Since faith comes from
hearing and hearing from the Word of God, listen to God’s Word to
husbands. There will be conflict in marriage, because there’s conflict in life, but marriage doesn't have to be conflict.
Husbands are commanded three times in this passage to “love your wives”?
The Greek verb used for love is "agapao" which is a God love, a
sacrificial and selfless love of actions. Agapao love is based on your
sincere interest for the best interests of your wife. Agapao love will
do what is best for your wife and says you are to love your wife in
spite of what she does. Therefore, you are to love her sacrificially and
unconditionally because Jesus loved the church that way. When a husband
exercises faith in God’s plan for marriage, the Holy Spirit goes to
work blending the two lives together.
God’s word tells husbands that "agapao" love suffers long, and is kind;
it envies not; it vaunts not itself and is not puffed up. "Agapao" love
does not behave itself unseemly, it seeks not his own, is not easily
provoked, and thinks no evil. "Agapao" love rejoices not in iniquity,
but rejoices in the truth. "Agapao" love bears all things, believes all
things, hopes all things and endures all things. It is a love empowered
by the very Spirit of God for the purpose of making two people one.
However, the key to all of this is to be obedient to Christ, to love Christ, to love each other, to walk
in the power of the Spirit, and watch the Lord overcome those things
and fill your life with profound joy and blessing beyond anything you could ever imagine.
Open with me your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5, verses 25 through 33. Today we will be looking at the husbands responsibilities in the marriage. I know some of you men were gloating last time, while the women received their portion of the Word, well, now it's your turn. And no sleeping during the message gentlemen.
I encourage you to follow along with me as I read to get this text set in our minds. Ephesians 5:25-32.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are parts of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."
There are some of you who like to argue over this particular portion of God's Word. However, if you choose to do, you must argue from a place of inconsistency in your beliefs, rather than in God's Word.
Men and women are equal before God. And at the same time, men and women
have different roles and responsibilities in marriage. Both of the points are true. Men are not superior to women, as many have misinterpreted this text to mean. Nor does it I would also like to add as a footnote, that submission does not imply inferiority. God is simply saying each have their perspective roles.
The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are all God. They are equal in
power, in holiness, in wisdom, and knowledge, and love, and glory, and
in every other divine attribute. There is nothing you can say about what
the Father "is" that is not equally true of the Son. Jesus Christ is
100% God. And yet, He voluntarily submits to the authority of the
Father. He is equal in every respect, and yet He willingly obeys the
Father. How is this possible? Again, because submission does not
imply inferiority.
As we carefully read verses 21-33, the first thing I’d like you to note is that the submission God requires
of wives is limited. It doesn’t say that every woman is to submit to
every man, but only that a wife is to submit to her own husband.
This limitation is beneficial to the wife, because she only answers to one man.
And, in some cases, that is challenging enough. She is responsible to him, and to no one else. What that means for the
husband is that he has a responsibility to intervene and say "no" if he
sees that other people, and especially other men, are putting too many
demands, or expectations on his wife. His authority over her also
shields and protect her.
A wife’s submission is limited in another way. It appears to be
unlimited, because she is called to submit in "everything." And that’s
true. In principle, there is no area of life where her husband’s
authority does not apply. However, a husband’s authority is not
absolute, because his wife is to submit to him "as to the Lord." In
other words, he cannot require her to disobey Christ. And finally, as I have stated before, submission does not require a wife to tolerate physical or
emotional abuse. In those cases, she should seek help from others;
either from the church, or if necessary, from the authorities. There are some men who like to take their position of authority to extremes, and Scripture does not endorse that behavior.
All
right. If that is what submission isn’t, then what is it? What is it
exactly, that God wants wives to do? Well, first of all, it’s not a
matter of doing. Like the rest of the Christian life, it’s fundamentally
a matter of heart attitude. We all know that a wife can be "obedient"
to her husband, in the sense of doing what he says to do, fulfilling the
letter of the law, and yet be anything but submissive. If in her heart
she is grumbling, and resentful, and discontented, and bitter toward her
"head," then she is not being submissive - to her husband or to God. If
outwardly she is paying lip service to the idea of submission, while
inwardly she is thinking of how to manipulate her husband into doing
what she wants, then she is not being submissive. Submission is a matter
of the heart. It involves a wife willingly following the leadership of
her husband, in spite of his flaws, and sins, and mistakes. It means
willingly yielding to him, and deferring to him. It means choosing to
let him have the final word. Not because he’s always right, but because
he’s her husband.
What happens when two people become dissatisfied and disillusioned with one another? Most often, they begin to think that the problem is that they are married to the wrong person. However, when they first met it seemed like they had found exactly the
right person. They enjoyed being together, they spent hours talking,
they shared so many common, they thought about each other all the time. Then they married and
now, they find it difficult to remember just why that woman or that
man seemed so interesting and appealing in the first place. And the temptation is to think it was a mistake, and this isn’t the right person after
all. We were young and foolish, and we made a bad choice. The grass on
the other side looks greener. Sure, it looks greener, but that is usually because of a lot of fertilizer!
Divorce appears to be inevitable. Allow me to share a passage from Malachi 2:16. "For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with violence,” says the Lord of armies. “So be careful about your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."
There are a number of people seek to meet their relational needs is through an affair. While others may seek to meet these needs through the fantasy of pornography, or bars and clubs. And sometimes, people choose to "stick it out," for the sake of the children, in a joyless marriage.
But is that really what God expects? Does he want us to stay in a joyless, loveless marriage just to uphold
some divine law? Does He care more about rules than His people? Absolutely not! God
wants us to have the real thing, and to have it within the context of a
lifelong marriage relationship. He desires that we be "ever" captivated
by one another’s love, and that we "rejoice" in the husband or wife that
we married in our youth.
This may be shocking to some of you, however, we have to begin by dumping the idea that there is such a thing as the
’right person’ or the ’wrong person,’ a soulmate, someone with whom you
instantly and perfectly and effortlessly mesh. This is Hollywood fantasy with paid actors, who likely can't even stand each other, making nice with each other for a nice big paycheck at the end of production. However, it’s not in the Bible.
While it's true, some people are easier for you to get along with, and you feel
naturally more compatible with. But there is enough sin in all of us
that even the most ’compatible’ couple will have difficulties. The
’right person’ isn’t someone you find; it’s what you and your spouse
become as you learn to meet one another’s needs by the grace and power
of God.The problem is not that you are hooked up with the wrong
person. The problem is that you have the wrong attitude! You are unwilling to meet one another’s
relational needs, or that you are unable to do so because of a lack of
understanding. I've have great news however! Both of these, unwillingness and inability, are
completely curable.
So let's take a look at some fundamental ideas to help us understand this issue of the different relational needs that men and women have. Let's start with why meet one another’s needs? As an act of obedience to God. He has commanded that we are to love one another. Because of the consequences of not doing so - it opens us up to temptation. Because of the rewards of doing so, it results in a more joyful, satisfying relationship. Because it brings honor and glory to God.
Ephesians 5:25 teaches us "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her" The relationship between a husband and wife is a picture of the
relationship between Christ and the church. The love of a husband and
wife for one another is a picture of the love between Christ and the
church. So when a husband and wife serve one another and seek to meet
one another’s needs in love, it reflects well on Christ; it honors and
glorifies him.
You see, God is not honored by a tepid, lukewarm,
just-putting-up-with-one-another kind of relationship. That’s not an
accurate picture of His love for His people. God’s love for us is an
intense, passionate, no-holds-barred kind of love. His love for us is so
deep that He was willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice for His beloved -
He gave the life of His own Son. Jesus Christ suffered torture, ridicule,
betrayal, and death, all to rescue us from sin and death. That
is the kind of love that marriage is intended to represent. We must approach marriage with an attitude of humility and servanthood
We must develop a fundamental attitude. Mark 10:43-45 says "But it must not be like that among you. On the contrary, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be a slave to all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life—a ransom for many." I'd like to point out, this command applies to all of our relationships, with everyone. However, it
applies especially to our relationship with our spouse because that is
where it is the most difficult.
Our attitude must not be one of
"how can I make sure my needs are met?", or giving in order to get. We
must imitate Christ’s attitude of humility and service. The irony is, as
we serving our spouse, meeting their needs, we will often find that our deepest needs are met as
well. But our motivation must be to honor Christ by imitating his
humility and service in our relationship to our spouse, not in meeting our own needs.
So, what are a women's needs? Well, guys this may come as a shock to you, but it's not a new kitchen appliance, vacuum cleaner or tool for the workshop. Openness, honesty, communication and intimacy.
And for the record, Scripture makes no provision for "white lies." Lying is contrary to the nature of God. A husband should tell his wife the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.So, why do men lie to their wives? Desire to "protect" them. Desire to avoid conflict. Desire to hide sin, Desire to mask weaknesses.
Openness: A woman needs openness because she needs to be able to
trust. In order to trust, she must have information; the husband must
tell her what he is thinking.
Husband: "if you trusted me, you wouldn’t need for me to explain everything."
Wife: "if you don’t have anything to hide, why won’t you tell me what’s going on?"
For
the husband, it’s a question of task efficiency. Information is on a
need-to-know basis. If the decision is his to make, then it is
inefficient to share the reasoning process behind it. Why waste time
discussing the details. When his wife demands he explain, he feels
indignant, because to him this indicates a lack of trust.
For the
wife, it’s the relationship. The task is not the only thing. The
process of making the decision is important also, because it is the
process that builds intimacy. By withholding information, the husband is
withholding an opportunity for intimacy. And lack of intimacy makes
women feel insecure and unsafe. And fella, might I dare say, they tend to nitpick and complain more when they feel insecure.
The term partner or co-heir implies that you share information with one another. Your wife is your silent partner. Seek out activities which you both enjoy. Find a way to participate in your spouse’s activities. Be intentional about scheduling uninterrupted time to spend with one another. Look, the best way to understand what your spouse wants, is to ask!
The real issue is a heart issue. This is where we need God’s power. Look the purpose of all this is not to show how foolish men can be, I'm sure most of you men have already accomplished that, am I right? I want to
illustrate how deep-seated this need is in the man’s psyche. The wise
wife understands this and does what she can to keep her husband’s
"admiration quotient" high. Why? Because a man who is suffering from a
deficit in this area is extremely susceptible to temptation if he
encounters a woman who builds him up and openly admires him. Which girls
get asked out on dates? Not necessarily the prettiest ones, but the
ones who show admiration for the boys. So that’s one good reason for a wife to admire and respect her husband. But here’s an even better one: it’s God’s will that you do so.
Verse 33, "Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." So what does it mean for a wife to respect her husband? First of all, she must respect him with her words, she should refrain from contemptuous speech, speech that tears down, degrades and destroys. This does not rule out all criticism or rebuke, however. This means she should engage in respectful speech, speech that builds up. It
means observing and commenting on her husband’s positive attributes or
accomplishments, rather than criticizing his faults. The impact of a wife’s speech, either respectful or disrespectful, is magnified if it occurs in public.
I'll be honest, it’s really a bit pathetic just how eager men are to hear these things, and
how powerful a few words can be, for both good and ill. Positive
encouragement can inspire a man to do great things, accomplishing much and contempt can
emotionally devastate him, causing him to accomplish little.
Next, she should honor her husband with her behavior.
How can a woman show honor and respect to a man whom she does not respect? Especially one who is not a Christian? First, ask God to show you things about your husband that you can
respect. Few people are completely without any redeeming qualities.
Sometimes, an inability to see anything praiseworthy in another person
can be a symptom of bitterness, resentment, or an unwillingness to
forgive. If that's the case, you may need to repent of that.
Secondly, even if you
can’t respect your husband’s person, show respect to your husband’s
position as head of the household, just as we are to show respect to the
governing authorities. If you can honor your husband for his personal qualities, then do so. If
not, then show respect for him in his role as your husband.
Ultimately, showing respect is an act of grace that is only possible by
the power of God. It must be given in spite of the husband’s
imperfections and failings, not because of his innate worthiness. When does a husband need his wife’s respect the most? When he deserves it the least. When he is receiving it from no one else. Unfortunately, these are the times when it is most tempting for a wife to withhold
her respect. And so her ability to respect the husband depends on the
power of God.
I do believe it's much more difficult in our culture today, because the people who are trying
to be married today, don’t have a generation behind them that can model
what a good marriage looks like. We’ve had enough generations of bad marriage now that we have a whole generation of young people growing
up who have no model of what a good marriage looks like. It's sad.
Marriage is not a constant waging of war, it’s bliss till death, a relationship that fills everybody’s needs and gets sweeter and richer as the days go by. It's not a relationship with any conflict, but has a love strong enough to work through and overcome any conflict that arises.
Love never fails because love never quits.
May it be so...
And now may the Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.
Now and forever, in Jesus' name
Amen
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