"In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be
the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a
gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. 7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone
weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of
the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."
A husband often considers himself to be the head of the household, that is to say that he's in the "drivers seat." However, it is the pedestrian, who has the right of way. Generally speaking, both of them are safe until one of them try to prove it.
We live in a society that values individual rights, over the common good of all people, especially by those who are considered to held down by the system. Thus, we are continuously encouraged to stand up for our rights and to fight back
when we’re wronged. Self-fulfillment has become a supreme virtue in America. Those who are unfulfilled because of a difficult marriage are encouraged to do what they have to do and to seek personal happiness and fulfillment.
As Christians, the bottom line in our testimony in this society in which we live is submission. There are three primary social environments in which we live. That is the government, the workplace and the family. In those are the three social environments in which we live, Peter has been going from the greater to the lesser. He began with the government, because the greater of these social environments in which we live is America. Therefore, we are then answerable to the federal government and the government of the state as well and the city and the local municipalities.
The next social environment in which we exist, is the workplace. We have responsibility within our
areas of employment to submit ourselves to those who are in authority over us. The third social environment in which we live, is in the family. I'd like you to notice, that in each of these areas, he says submit. Submission is the key word.
We are discussing this whole matter of living in the world in such a way
as to reach the world for Jesus Christ. It is imperative that we
maintain our testimony before the watching world. This is a very instructive passage. The point that Peter is making, is that godly conduct is a powerful witness, much more powerful than words without conduct. To be clear, that's not to say that a verbal witness is not important, because it is. However, people will forget what you say but they will remember what you do.
Let us pray
Heavenly Father,
Father, we again thank You for Your Word. Thank You for giving us such clear straightforward truth. Lord, help us to live an exemplary Christian life, whether in the government, on the job or in the home. Thank You for reminding us that our role is always the same, to submit to Your ordained pattern of submission.
Lord, we pray for those who are in difficult situations, making it challenging for them to live out the Christian life to which you have called us, in an unsaved environment. We pray for those who are living with unsaved spouses, we pray for the virtue of the relationship, make them all that you want them to be. We pray that by their godly lives, that they would win that unsaved spouse to Christ. We pray for those who are working in unsaved places of employment, help them to conduct themselves as Christ demonstrated to us by His example. Not to revile, or retaliate, but to trust You and commit righteous judgment into Your hands. May it all be for Christ's sake and for Your glory.
In His name we pray
Amen
Today's Message: Paving The Way Home
If we are as believers, to have an impact in our culture, we must submit to the social
order, to the social structure, and the social patterns that God has
designed. We are here to make Christ known to the world. You see, we've only been left here for one reason and that is an evangelistic purpose. The principles of conduct Peter gives us here, can lead to the most effective Christian testimony. In order to have an effective testimony for Christ, we are to submit to every human institution. The hope is that they will notice attractive behavior and through it be drawn to the source of that behavior, a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Our text on submission, which began back in chapter 2 verse 13, is part of a larger call for submission from all Christians in different ways. I would like you to note, these verses in chapter 3 are not a discourse on male and female
status. They are not a discourse on Christian marriage. This is not
even a discussion of Christian marriage. This is a discussion of a mixed
marriage, where you have a Christian partner and a non-Christian
partner. That's the context here.
Open your Bibles with me to I Peter chapter 3. In these verses, Peter he gives six verses to wives and one verse to husbands. Before anyone complains, Peter is not being biased. There's a very important reason for it, and that is because when a wife became a Christian the potential for difficulty in
the marriage was far greater than when a husband became a Christian
because a husband was already in charge.
You see, in that society if a husband became a Christian, the wife would dutifully
accept it, since she was not
allowed to have a mind of her own. In that period of time, a women was viewed as slave, and not much more, and when she became a Christian independently of her husband, the potential for
conflict, embarrassment and difficulty was much greater and that is
why Peter gives much more attention to that particular problem. Becoming a Christian posed some serious problems. In fact, it still can today.
When a woman becomes a Christian, she can all of a sudden she feels superior to her husband, she belongs to God and she knows what the Bible teaches. She keeps meeting these wonderful men at church who are outstanding Christians and she can become
indifferent to her own husband and much more attracted to other men who
love Christ because she sees the potential for such a wonderful
life. And, that can lead to serious problems.
In the Greek culture, in which Peter lived, and those who were scattered to whom he was writing, it was unthinkable for a woman to change her religion without her husband. There was a basic principle called patria potestas and what it
means was that while a woman was single and living in her father's house, she was under her father's power. He could literally kill her if he wanted
to and when she became married she was under her husband's power and he
could literally kill her if he wanted, so in both cases there was no
legal recourse for her.
Then, all of the sudden, she becomes a Christian, and realizes that in Christ she has reached a level of living that her
unsaved husband knows nothing about. She is free in Christ. She has a
new Lord and a new Master. It would become easy for her to treat her husband with indifference, even disdain. And, if she's not careful, he can become very distasteful to her and even repulsive. Because of this, she can feel the urge to put him in his place. So, it was important to realize what life must have been like for a woman who became a Christian independently of her husband. It would be immensely embarrassing to the husband and abuse could escalate.
I invite you to follow along with me as I read to set the text in our minds as we prepare our hearts for a Word from our Lord. Listen for the voice of the Spirit of God. I Peter 3:1-7.
"In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used
to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone
weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of
the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."
In verses 1 and 2, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior."
The first thing I would you to note, is that Peter doesn't tell the Christian wife, to leave her husband. He does not tell her to do that. We must keep in mind our mission as Christians, and that is to win people to Christ. Therefore, how she conducts herself can win that unsaved husband to Jesus Christ. The blessing of God will spill over on that man. Let me tell you something, a non-Christian man married to a Christian woman doesn't know how very fortunate he is. Because she is a child of God, God is pouring out blessing on her
because she is so blessed and she is so enriched, he benefits. Now, let me be clear, that doesn't means that he receives salvation. It simply means, that outwardly, he is blessed, because the rain falls on the just and the unjust.
So, if you have an unsaved husband, don't divorce him. In I Corinthians 7:13, Paul tells us "And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away." Then, look at verse 14, "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy."
The unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife. The unsaved husband may stay and if he wants to stay, and that believing wife should let him stay. In verse 15, Paul says if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave. In such cases, the brother or sister is not under bondage. In other words, the bond of marriage is broken. Don't fight tooth and nail to hold it together, a war like environment is not productive in leading people to Christ. God calls us to peace, even in these situations. Peter calls us to stay and do all you can to win that husband.
The next thing I'd like you to notice, that he doesn't tell her to preach at him. He doesn't tell her to call her pastor and have him stop by the house when she knows he's home alone. He also doesn't tell her, that in Christ, she is equal, so demand her rights. While she is equal to every other believer spiritually, she still has a marital role to fulfill. Because in marriage, there is headship and there is submission. He says if you want to have the maximum impact on the life of an unsaved man, then be a submissive wife.
You will remember, it's the same principal if you want to have the maximum impact on the society in which you live,
then be a model, submissive citizen. If you want to have the maximum
impact in your job, then be a model, submissive employee. And if you
want to have the maximum impact on your unsaved husband, then be a model,
submissive wife. It's all the same principal. This is God's design.
I'd also like you to notice he says "Be submissive to your own husbands." Every time to Bible gives such an injunction, it always it says your own husband. Just as Christ is the head of man, God is the head of Christ, the man is the head of the woman. From the wife's viewpoint it is more important what you are, and what you do than what you what you say. In other words, they are lost because they obey not the Word however, they might be saved without a word. Simply by the behavior of their wives. Her greatest tool of evangelism, is her behavior, by the virtue of her wifely character. You have submission and the intention is to bring him to Christ.
Then, in verses 3-4, he says "Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be
the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a
gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God."
In our society, the normal preoccupation of women is with the outside. So, Peter says, "Let not your adornment be merely external." Then, like today, people literally tied fortunes up in their clothing. So this isn't anything new. Cosmetics were big, they dyed their hair all kinds of colors. They wore wigs. In other words, their wealth and pride showed up on their face and their head, where it could easily be seen. In the Greek and Roman world there was an immense preoccupation with the outside.
In Isaiah 3:18-23, it says "In that day the Lord will take away the beauty of their anklets, headbands, crescent ornaments, dangling earrings, bracelets, veils, headdresses, ankle chains, sashes, perfume boxes, amulets, finger rings, nose rings, festal robes, outer tunics, cloaks, money purses, hand mirrors, undergarments, turbans and veils."
I believe that's a pretty straightforward statement, fallen women, tend to be preoccupied with the outside. Now to be clear, Peter doesn't condemn all outward adornment. He says "but let it be
the hidden person of the heart." The heart is where the true beauty is. Christianity has always existed in a world of luxury and a world of decadence. It's always been a temptation. But if you're going to be preoccupied with your beauty, let it be with the inner person, your character, and virtue. Because that will make you far more beautiful. True beauty is not on the outside. External beauty may capture a man's outward attention, but it does not capture his heart. By the way, truly beautiful women on the inside tend to be very beautiful on the outside. However, the reverse is not always true!
Peter also says in verse 4, "with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God." The most beautiful kind of woman is the woman with a meek, gentle, peaceful, calm, quiet disposition. Too much attention to the outside attention betrays a heart, unconcerned to reflect the beauty that God has given to a woman.
In verse 5, Peter gives us an illustration. "For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands." Here, he's talking about the Old Testament saints. They were true believers, who put their hope in God. He's saying they're the models to follow. Those Old Testament women, set apart unto God, were submissive to their husbands.
When you look at what society calls beautiful women today, everything they have is hanging on the outside. We call those women models? Models of what? Models of inner beauty? Models of modesty? I don't believe so! And, if if had to guess, I'd say what you're seeing on the outside supersedes what they have to offer on the inside, at least in most cases. To all of you younger women, I want to say, these are not women to pattern your life after. Get out your Bible and look for holy women to pattern your life after.
In verse 6, Peter gives us an example. "just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear." Sarah is a model of obedience. She obeyed Abraham. She even called him lord. Take a look around in our society today, and it's not difficult to see just how far women have drifted. By the way, "calling him" is in the present participle, present tense,
constantly calling him lord, constantly in submission to him.
At the end of verse 6, we see why Peter chose her as a model, because "you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear." If you're a believer, then you're a child of Abraham by faith. We all understand that. So, Peter is saying you not only will be the children of Abraham by faith but you'll
be the children of Sarah, Abraham's wife, by following her example. Not only are you children of faith but you're children of submission. If you do what is right, without being frightened by any fear. He's talking about being intimidated. Since the fall of man, I believe every society has tried to intimidate a woman who wanted to be submissive to her husband.
If you're a Christian wife and you had an unsaved husband, you might be
afraid to be submissive for fear of where it might lead you, into what
sin it might result. Let me be clear, you have to stop short of that. God doesn't expect you to be submissive to that end. So, Peter says don't be intimidated, don't be frightened, don't be fearful,
just do what's right, and what is right is to submit to your husband. That's how you will potentially win your husband to Christ, without a word. That's the principal. Be pure and faithful to him in the physical and the emotional area. Be
modest, decorate the inner beauty that may manifest itself on the
outside, and don't become preoccupied with trying to fix the outside, when
the inside isn't what it ought to be. Work on the inside.
Then, in verse 7, Peter turns the tables. "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone
weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of
the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." In other words, Peter is saying husbands, you submit too. He's talking about submission on our part.W e don't submit to the authority of the wife, we don't submit to the
leadership of the wife, to the headship of the wife, but we do submit to the needs of the wife.
Look at Ephesians 5: 25-27, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless."
Men, he's saying be submissive to meet the needs of the woman who is our wife, even if she's not a Christian. "You husbands likewise, in the same way" you have to submit just like the wife, just like
the employee, just like the citizen." He's obviously talking to Christian
husbands. Remember, Peter is writing to men, who were scattered, in a culture where a man could just kill his wife, he's saying you've got to take care of your wife.
He says "live with your wives in an understanding way." The Greek noun used here is "gnṓsis," He's talking about a deep experiential knowledge. He's saying be sensitive to her needs, be sensitive to her feelings. And I believe that includes intimacy because knowing someone means having an intimate relationship. You are to live with your wife in the most intimate way possible. You are to nourish her, cherish her, and protect her.
By the way, the word "live" is the word "sunoikeón." The word sunoikeón in the Septuagint is the word for intercourse. You are not to be abusive her, ignore her, or be indifferent to her, you are to be sacrificially sensitive to that
unsaved woman. You are to be thoughtful and be respectful to her. For a man to become a Christian and then all of a sudden become respectful and sensitive and feeling toward his wife who didn't want
anything to do with Christ, would be a revolutionary thing in that culture.
Then, he says you have to live with her "as with someone weaker, since she is a woman;" She's a woman, she's a weaker vessel. Before any of you go getting puffed up about your abilities, what he's saying is "You're weak, but she's weaker." She must be protected and she must be provided for. She must be cherished.
Next, he says "and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life." Grace simply means a gift. You're heirs together. That's a very important statement. He's not talking spiritually here, he's speaking maritally. He's saying that you must live with her as a fellow heir of the grace of life. Cultivate companionship, respect her as heirs together in the grace of life. The best that life has to offer. You will remember, women in Peter's day were not allowed to associate as friends, even with their own husbands. Peter says make sure that you do that! "So that your prayers will not be hindered." Because if you don't do these things, your prayers will be hindered.
In Closing..
Beloved, the principal here is quite simple, you can win an unsaved partner to Christ, by living an exemplary Christian life. Whether you're in the government, as a citizen, on the
job as an employee, in the home as a marriage partner, the role is
always the same, you submit to God's ordained pattern for that social
relationship and you live it out to your maximum ability in order to please God and God
will honor you as a testimony wherever you are.
Submission involves an attitude of respect and a recognition of the responsibility of the one in authority. The source of many marital problems today, is that the wife is seeking to
gain control over the husband to meet what she perceives as her needs and the
husband is seeking to dominate the wife to meet what he perceives as his
needs. If your spouse yells at you and you yell back, it escalates the conflict. That’s not the biblical pattern, that's a game of tug of war.
If you want to be a model citizen, if you want to be a model employee or have a successful marriage, you must obey what God has told you to do and let Him take care of the others. Sometimes, God puts us in difficult situations to refine our faith, but even then, we must obey His Word in order to reap the benefits.
May it be so..
And now may the Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.
Now and forever, in Jesus' name
Amen
the Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.
Now and forever, in Jesus' name
Amen
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